Self-Love - The Gatekeeper to Inner Wisdom

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Welcome to the joyful journey podcast. If

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you're uncertain about what you really want or unsure how to be

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a force for good, you know this world craves, then this is the

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show for you. I'm Anita Adams, your host and guide to finding

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clarity and creating a life you love. Let's tap into our inner

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wisdom, access our highest self and unleash joy. As we raise our

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vibration, we heightened the collective consciousness and

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that, my friends, is the joyful journey. Let's dive in. Hello,

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my fellow joyful journey errs. I'm Anita Adams, your host and

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today I want to talk about self love. Do you remember the first

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time you felt unloved or unworthy? My memory takes me

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back to a very specific day. I was five years old. And because

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I was late for school, I missed the school bus that took my

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class on a field trip to the aquarium. Back in those days we

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walked to and from school by ourself. So when I showed up to

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kindergarten and discovered an empty classroom, I turned around

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and slowly meander back home. My mom and I lived in a one bedroom

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basement suite. She had already gone to work, but my stepdad was

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home and asleep in our bedroom. He wasn't actually my stepdad

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yet. This was a few years before he married my mom, who was also

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my best friend. If you were thinking I had some possessive

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behaviors, you are absolutely correct. And I'm sure my

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attitude greatly contributed to the challenges I had with this

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man. I stood in the doorway watching my soon to be stepdad

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asleep. Not sure exactly what to do. Should I poke him and wake

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him up or just go play in the living room? He must have sensed

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my presence and stirred. What are you doing home? He growled.

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I missed the bus. You don't take the bus to school. We were going

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to the aquarium today. At that he flew out of bed, yanked me

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over his knee and gave me my first ever spanking. That memory

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and the injustice of it is deeply ingrained and it marks

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what I now consider a turning point in my young life. It was

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the beginning or at least the conscious beginning of not

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feeling loved which branched off into feelings of stupidity and

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unworthiness. My relationship with my stepdad did not approve

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over the years. As I moved into my teens, it became even more

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strained and emotionally abusive. I was repeatedly told I

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was stupid and constantly punished for ridiculous things

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like putting the garbage in the garbage can incorrectly. public

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humiliation was the favorite tactic used to control me. I

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feel it's important to let you know that my stepdad wasn't all

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bad. In fact, there were many good things about him and some

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truly fun memories. They are just harder to recall and

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overshadowed by the bad ones. I blamed my stepdad for a very

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long time for making me feel insignificant, stupid, worthless

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for beating me up emotionally instead of lifting me up like a

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parent should. Fortunately, I had a mother who lavished me

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with love and attention. And she made me believe enough in myself

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to eventually work my way out of the dark cave, I got myself into

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things improved between my stepdad and I after I moved out

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when I was 20 a kinder, more caring relationship emerged, so

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did forgiveness and even eventually love. Have you heard

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the expression hurt people hurt people. Understanding this truth

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certainly helped me Forgive my stepdad for his poor behavior.

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Much work needed to be done on me though I needed to learn how

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to love myself again, so I could change my behavior about my

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intelligence, and my worthiness. I've worked hard on this really

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hard, because I understood even all those years ago, again, with

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much thanks to my mother, that it's our beliefs about ourselves

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that put limits on what we achieve and the life we are able

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to create and our beliefs can be changed. So I went to counseling

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I read hundreds, hundreds of self help books. I took

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workshops, I listened to audio tapes, I journaled, I became

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mindful of all my thoughts and behaviors. I did all the things,

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and slowly, ever so slowly, my love for self grew. Today, I

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love myself deeply, wrinkles, belly fat, and all. I no longer

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feel stupid when I spell a word wrong or don't understand the

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meaning of something. I've come to recognize that I am a pretty

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amazing human being, just like you, my fellow joyful journeyer

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now, why am I sharing this story? Because the key to

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accessing our inner wisdom is self love. If nature is the

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sacred portal to our higher self, self love is the

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gatekeeper. And I want you to love yourself so deeply, that

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you can easily hear the whispers of your soul and create the

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grandest, most beautiful version of your life. We all deserve to

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have that it's hard to hear our inner voice of wisdom if we

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don't have a lot of self love because our soul voice gets

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drowned out by all the noise made by our inner critic and

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that monkey brain nonsense that is non stop. What's more, in

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those rare moments when we actually do hear our sole voice,

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we doubt its wisdom. If our self love is low, we can't believe

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what our soul voice is guiding us to do. And we tell ourselves

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that we aren't capable of achieving such grandness. So we

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shut out that voice, dismiss it, call it fanciful imaginings, and

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even mock it. When our love for self is strong, on the other

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hand, we are more open to receiving and acting on the

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messages and wisdom from our soul. I want you to understand

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that I came from a place of very low self love and self esteem

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and was able to rise up above it and become a woman who truly

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loves herself. And I want to share with you the lessons I've

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learned that have helped me the most that have had the greatest

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impact in boosting my self love. From my many years of working on

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my own worthiness I've come to identify three practices that

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are critical to boosting self love. I call it the self love,

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trifecta, gratitude, self compassion, and self

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forgiveness. All three can be daily practices. And if you

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exercise these muscles, your love for self will grow more

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quickly. Let me elaborate on each practice a bit more and how

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they specifically relate to boosting self love. practicing

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gratitude. This is truly a beautiful practice with benefits

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that include releasing happy hormones, manifesting desires

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and boosting our love for what is which of course includes

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boosting our love of self. I like to encourage my clients to

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practice gratitude while walking in nature, because it hastens or

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quickens our love for self. Let me explain. When we continue to

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invest time in nature, we begin to fall in love with it, all of

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it, including its multitude of imperfections, which are

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actually perfect. And soon we begin to recognize that we are

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part of the beautiful fabric of the environment we are in. It is

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this awareness that we are one with nature, that allows our

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love for self to deepen. As we express our gratitude for the

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environment, we are also accepting and appreciating the

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imperfections which allow us to accept and appreciate what we

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have labeled as imperfect within ourself.

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That love and respect for nature literally crosses over to a

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deepened love and respect for who we are. You cannot be truly

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in awe of nature and not be in awe Have yourself, you are a

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miraculous wondrous being. And being in nature shines a light

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on that. So practice gratitude, and do it as often as possible

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while in nature. Let's talk about the practice of self

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compassion. You and I understand that the world needs more

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kindness and compassion. What we might not think about as often

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as we should, though, is how to be kind and compassionate to

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ourselves, not just to others. I would argue that we have to

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start there, we have to start with being compassionate with

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ourself. If we truly want to move our world to a kinder

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place. What does that look like? Exactly. It's being mindful

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about our thoughts and how we talk to and about ourselves.

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It's about being gentle with ourselves when we mess up

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patting ourselves on the back when we do something well, and

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encouraging ourselves to keep moving forward with our dreams.

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Here's something I recommend trying. Make sure to listen to

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my story that follows the recommendation before diving

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into this exercise, though. Imagine yourself as a young

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child, go back to a fond memory when you are happy, feeling

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loved, and possess an innocence that radiates outward. Maybe you

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are four or five years old, perhaps seven of the oldest. Can

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you see this child in your mind's eye? Call upon that child

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often and speak to them as you would speak to any child you

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care about. With love, kindness, acceptance. Be intentional with

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your words, and listen to what that child that is still

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innocent and full of love, has to say to you. This exercise may

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be triggering, so I want to share a personal experience that

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may help. The first time I was guided to connect with my inner

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child. I was in a confidence building workshop when I was in

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my early 20s. And it triggered me I broke down into tears.

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Well, actually more like sobs. I couldn't stop crying and the

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facilitator who was woefully unprepared for someone like me,

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didn't know what to do. It was a pretty horrible and embarrassing

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experience all around that didn't serve to boost my

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confidence at all. I was so distraught because I felt like I

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was a disappointment to the child self that I conjured up.

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In my mind's eye, I saw a little girl that I couldn't be there

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for because I didn't have the self love I needed to give to

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her. Here's an interesting thing that I learned many years after

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that workshop, our inner child is already full of love,

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brimming with love. In fact, we are born with this love, it is

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our natural state of being. Our inner child understands what we

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have often forgotten. And sometimes we need to allow

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ourselves to simply receive that love from our inner child. So

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when you evoke an image of your inner child, first, speak to

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that child with love and compassion, and then allow that

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child to speak to you. Open your heart, and let the love that

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comes from that child to flow. If we allow ourselves to be open

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to receive love from our child from our inner child, they will

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guide us back to being a kinder, more compassionate person with

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our self. What I'm asking you to do is to build a relationship

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with your inner child. That relationship like all good

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relationships, is about giving and receiving. And if you

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nurture it, it will grow your love for yourself. The third and

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final piece of this self love trifecta is self forgiveness. If

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we don't forgive ourselves for the things we've done in the

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past, we keep ourselves stuck in a drama in pain.

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When we are stuck, we can't grow. Forgiving does not mean

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forgetting In fact, we should never forget. I will not forget

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my destructive behaviors that almost destroyed my marriage. I

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will not forget that I was once a thief. I will not forget the

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time I spanked my son I will remember all these things and

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countless others and use them to guide me in making better

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decisions. I can even argue those bad choices of the past

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have shaped the woman I have become today because I learned

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from them. We are the product of all our choices, including those

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mistakes, and forgiveness is what allows us to blossom out of

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the muck like a lotus. Did you know that the lotus is one of

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the most beautiful flowers whose petals open one at a time, and

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it will only grow in mud. In order for you and I to gain

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wisdom. First, we must have the mud, the mistakes the obstacles

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of life and its suffering. Forgiveness is like the sun

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nourishing that flower allowing it to grow strong and open its

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petals. It's a beautiful analogy, don't you think? To

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practice self forgiveness. I recommend inviting your inner

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child to join you the next time you go for a nature walk. Have a

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conversation with that child and listen to them when they tell

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you that you are forgiven. Children are such remarkable

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creatures with the greatest capacity for love, compassion,

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and forgiveness. Listen to your inner child with your heart wide

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open, listen to the love and allow that love of self to

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expand. I send you much love to my fellow joyful journeyer we'll

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catch you next time. Thank you for joining us today on the

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joyful journey podcast. If anything resonated with you,

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please visit our website at joyful inspired living.com Sign

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retreats we offer both in person retreats on beautiful Bowen

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Island in British Columbia as well as online retreats that you

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can do from the comfort of your own home. And finally, if you

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liked our show, please leave a review so more people can find

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it and learn how to access their highest self and together will

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raise the collective consciousness