How Finding Clarity Saved My Marriage

Anita Adams: 00:00:05

Welcome to the Joyful Journey podcast. If you're uncertain about what you really want, or unsure how to be a force for good, you know this world craves, then this is the show for you. I'm Anita Adams, your host and guide to finding clarity and creating a life you love. Let's tap into our inner wisdom, access our highest self and unleash joy. As we raise our vibration, we heighten the collective consciousness and that, my friends, is the joyful journey. Let's dive in.

Anita Adams: 00:00:42

Hey, joyful journey yours, Anita Adams here your host of the joyful journey podcast. What is the joyful journey all about? You ask? Great question. And there are many answers. It's a spiritual dive into understanding self. It's about learning how to tap into inner wisdom to find clarity and purpose. It's learning how to access and operate from your highest self. And it's about unleashing your joy and creating a life you absolutely love. I'm deeply passionate about this topic of tapping into inner wisdom and guiding people to that place to find their truth, their clarity about who they are. Because there was a time when I didn't have this clarity. And not only did that put a lid on my personal and professional growth, it also just about destroyed my marriage. So I thought I'd kick off this podcast by sharing my personal story about that turning point in my life. You may even find the story familiar in some ways. It starts with me believing I'm not enough, not smart enough, talented enough, capable enough, which puts me on this constant quest for validation and recognition. This is my driving force that motivates me in growing my business, which is a national organization that I founded and ran for 18 years. I'm in my 30s, building my empire promotional agency that is dedicated to advancing the Canadian film industry. And when the success starts to come, so does the validation. And it feels great. I feel important. I'm invited to the parties interviewed by the media requested to sit on expert panels, I have status, and I'm loving it, every single minute of it. I run my business from home and when the kids are young, you'd often find me sitting on the floor in the closet taking an important phone call while they are in the other room making a heck of a racket. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'm a good mom. I feed the kids well and lavish them with love and affection. And at times I even allowed them to go to school in their pajamas. Two of the times I'm doing everything I can to be there for my children. And at the same time I feel this strong pull to grow my business which is feeding a huge need in me. Something has to give though, doesn't it? When my husband comes in after work, I feel like it's my turn to play grown up and I often hand over the kids put on a business suit or cocktail dress and out the door. Yeah, I cringe when I think about this behavior now. As you can imagine, it takes a toll on our relationship. I don't recognize what's happening between us though. When my husband and I aren't connecting I just I just write it off as if he doesn't really get it. He's maybe jealous of all the attention and success I'm having with my business. And I continue to search for that. Next Hi, that next dopamine hit a validation

Anita Adams: 00:04:35

one day I come home from one of my many events and I can feel the tension in the air. Something is wrong. The kids are in bed and my husband is sitting at the kitchen table with this mixture of anger and hurt on his face. My stomach is suddenly in this anxious not. Are we done? He asks, no, no, I don't, I don't want to be done. Where you clearly don't want to be with me. That's not true. But he holds up a mirror and makes me face the woman I'm choosing to be. And I don't like what I see, I'm ashamed. Ashamed of the woman looking back. I realize now the courage it takes my husband to confront me and the courage it takes me to face the truth, and to really look at who I'm choosing to be, and why it's easier to ignore the painful stuff, or to push it aside or to deny or to deflect. Truthfully, I do some of that at first denied, deflect shifting blame for my behavior on to him. The greatest learning and growth, though, comes from having the courage to look inward at those often dark places. And eventually, I find that courage, and I'm willing to go there, to better understand myself so I can make the changes and create the life I really want. So I can, so I can become the person I want to be. And what is that I really want? My behavior is revealing that I want validation, recognition status, that leaves me feeling empty, and it's ruining my marriage. What do I want? I keep asking myself, who do I really want to be surely not this person I've been who values other people's opinions of me more than I value my own. As part of our recovery process, my husband and I recognize we need to do something for us, as a family have a big goal to work towards and get excited about together. So we decide to move the family to France for a year. That takes some time savings planning, lots of organizing. Eventually, we do it though. And we kick off that year abroad with a two week 120 mile trek across the Swiss Alps. I vividly remember one day about two thirds into the journey being at the top of one mountain peak and looking down the valley and across to the next peak that we need to climb and feeling the sheer impossibility of this task. Yet we do it one slow step at a time. And along that journey, I keep asking myself Who do I really want to be what do I really want. By the end of this track, after a lot of sweat, some tears entirely mine, and blisters the size of toonies, which is a Canadian $2 coin, I began to see more clearly what I want, and the person who I want to be.

Anita Adams: 00:08:29

What becomes clear is that I want to be with my family. That is priority number one. I also want to grow into a leader worth following do something meaningful and impactful. Have a beautiful marriage and the time to do the things I love what tall order and I begin to wonder if that is even possible. Can you have business success? Be a force for good in the world? Have a beautiful marriage? have financial success? Be in good physical, mental, spiritual shape? Can you truly have it all? The answer, of course is yes you can when you get clear on what you really want, and why it matters. And then invest your time in yourself to learn how to be that person live that life. Now how do you find that kind of clarity? That is what I'm here to share with you. And what the joyful journey podcast and my joyful journey retreats are all about. That clarity comes by having the courage to look inward, to listen to what your heart soul Spirit tells you. And then to learn how to take action and step into that best version of who you are.

Anita Adams: 00:10:00

This is a joyful journey into inner wisdom that will guide you with everything in your life. And in the process. Not only will you create or recreate who you really are, you'll also unleash a great joy. This is a journey to your highest self. If that sounds exciting or interesting to you, if you believe there is something more to life than what you are currently living. If you just love personal growth and stretching yourself, then you're in the right place. This is the joyful journey podcast. And together as we step into our highest self, we are raising the collective consciousness. Now that's exciting. That's a movement. It's my hope. You'll be a part of it with me. Thanks for joining me today. Next time we'll take a dive into my three guiding principles to inner wisdom, look, listen, learn. Have a beautiful day joyful journey ears, and we'll catch you next time.